Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant

You ever have one of those days where everything that can goes wrong does? Yeah, so I've had one of those MONTHS. I mean, I feel like it's all a big joke, and I can't even remember everything that happened, but some serious crap happened, and I had to laugh until I cried to keep myself together. From #7 falling the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and busting her eyebrow open(and needing to have it glued shut) to my husband being rear ended with four of our kids in the vehicle with him and that young lady hitting him not having car insurance. There's so much more that happened in between all that, but I'm waving it away. I'm not going to dwell on the negativity of it. I'm going to laugh and move on, because if I don't, I will go crazy. Instead, I will share with you the version of the Twelve Days of Christmas as written by my #1(age 18) and #3(age 9) daughters. :)

Twelve Days of M****(our last name) Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my family gave to me a little girl with an eye gash.
On the second day of Christmas my family gave to me two kids with strep throat and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the third day of Christmas my family gave to me three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the fourth day of Christmas my family gave to me four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the fifth day of Christmas my family gave to me five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the sixth day of Christmas my family gave to me six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the seventh day of Christmas my family gave to me seven kids in trouble, six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the eighth day of Christmas my family have to me eight good grades, seven kids in trouble, six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the ninth day of Christmas my family gave to me nine people not feeling well, eight good grades, seven kids in trouble, six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the tenth day of Christmas my family gave to me ten dinners from friends and family, nine people not feeling well, eight good grades, seven kids in trouble, six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my family gave to me eleven doses of antibiotic eye drops, ten dinners from friends and family, nine people not feeling well, eight good grades, seven kids in trouble, six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my family gave to my twelve red and white roses(for tolerating all the crap), eleven doses of antibiotic eye drops, ten dinners from friends and family, nine people not feeling well, eight good grades, seven kids in trouble, six kids with fevers, five in a car crash, four nuisance children, three doses of Tylenol, two kids with strep throat, and a little girl with an eye gash.

Am I being "Punk'd"???

Sometimes I really think I'm being punked. Yesterday afternoon was one of those moments. I had just walked in the door from afterschool pick up, and my phone rang. Not let me back up a second here to say I've been answering every phone call lately, as one of my kids is having a slumber party and I asked everyone to RSVP via my cell. I don't normally answer unavailable numbers, but I did. So back to the story. So the conversation goes like this:

Other party: Hi this is XYZ, great grandmother of ABC. Is this (insert my child's name) mother?
Me: Yes. Hi, it's nice to meet you.
OP: Yes, well we have a problem. You see, your child told both of my great granddaughter's they could come to her party. And now I have one child in tears in the car because the invitation did not have her name on it.
Me: Oh, well, I don't know what to tell you. My child lied.(Yes, I totally said that, without even checking with my child if she DID say it, which later I asked and she said NO!) We invited only the girls in my child's class, at that's quite enough for me to handle.
(An aside, the OTHER granddaughter is in a different grade, which is why she wasn't invited)
OP: Well, I was wondering if my other great granddaughter could come to the party too. She'll bring a really nice gift.
Me:(Stuttering to come up with a NICE reply to a person I have never met before in my life) Well, see, that's really nice, but, uh, well I have 6 kids already(I didn't include #1) who will be here, and I just don't feel comfortable adding any more children, especially ones I don't know very well, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have my hands full with the ones who are coming. I'm really sorry.
OP: I just don't know what I'm going to do. So, you still want my granddaughter at your party?
ME: Um, well, yes, we would enjoy her company if she can attend without her sister.
OP: Yeah, well. Ok. So what's your address?
Me: It's on the invitation(which I'm assuming she had to be looking at because how the hell else did she get my phone number?!), but here, I'll give it to you again. ::Gives lady the address::
OP: Oh, yeah, do you know BLAHDY BLAH BLAH? She lives over off Burch street, she's my sister.
Me: No, I'm sorry. I don't even know what Burch Street is.
OP: That's ok. Yeah. Well. Then. We'll see you.
Me: Ok. Thanks for calling.
OP: Yeah. Thanks a lot.

Then I hung up wondering if this lady was coming today for a party, because I think she was mistaken on the date or something. The party isn't for another week. It was so weird. I was kind of shaken that some person that I have never met before had the balls to call and ask if they can bring the sibling of the invited child to a sleepover at my house and they don't even know WHO the hell I am. It was just beyond odd, and I kept thinking someone was going to call me and tell me it was a joke. Or maybe even that grandma forgot to take her medicine. I can honestly say, that was a first for me. And I really hope the last. LOL.

Forward, Backward, Time Change Stinks

This whole "falling back" thing stinks. Kids don't know the clock says "SLEEP LONGER", they only know their body is ready to get up, because that's what they've been doing for the last 7 or 8 months. It sucks. Royally. I have to admit though, they were REALLLLLLLLY tired today, and getting up at what we thought was 6:30(which was really 5:30 with the stupid time change) made them ready for a nap at 10:30(the real time, because by that point I HAD set the clocks back) and I got to join them in a much needed nap. Why did I need a nap? Well, besides the obvious "I have seven kids and that's enough to wear anyone out", last night my husband and I had a few drinks to celebrate his upcoming birthday, and then we stayed up playing on the Wii and laughing until nearly 1:30 am. Then, when it came time for us to go to bed, #7 started crying and did not want to sleep. So Mommy got the job of taking care of her, because Mommy accidentally head butted Daddy and broke his nose. In order to self medicate, Daddy drank waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more adult beverage than was neceessary, and could barely make it up the stairs to the bedroom. I figured it was probably best to let him sleep. So, I got baby duty(not to be confused with baby DOOTY), which meant bringing her to bed with me, and sleeping with a midget sized wrestler. I swear that's what it feels like, especially when the little sleep I do get means I wake up with bruises or sore areas on my body that I figure had to be created by this small person who is wedged in between Mommy and Daddy pressing each of us to the furthest opposite edge of the bed. And then when aforementioned kids decided butt-crack-of-dawn was a good time to get up, I was dragging.
So now, back to that nap that I got, well I sort of forgot to set my alarm to wake me up, and #4 had a soccer game we had to leave by 12:30pm for. I fell asleep HARD with the 3 youngest kiddos, and something startled me awake at 12:15. My husband was out in his workshop working with #2, #1 was at work, #3 & #4 were outside playing, and no one realized WE HAD TO LEAVE IN 15 MINUTES except me. I hadn't showered, made anyone lunch, and most kids were in some form on not-suitable-for-outside-our-home attire, so my husband rushed to get himself ready, as did I, and we got everyone else ready and out the door only 10 minutes late. Whew. Luckily for us, we have started a new "we will leave way before we really have to leave because it takes us 15 minutes longer than that to get loaded" rule. It's been keeping us on time quite a bit! :) And my husband saved the day by deciding we should celebrate #2s birthday today(his actual birthday is Wednesday) by going out to eat after the soccer game. It worked out great. And I realized how awesome my husband really is because even after I broke his nose, he saved my tired self from having to cook dinner. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go to bed at 9:30(which would have been 10:30) and HOPEFULLY get some sleep. I hear no little people(other than #2 and his buddy who is staying the night) to keep me from reaching my dreams. I probably just jinxed myself.

Transitioning to adulthood

So my oldest daughter turned 18 in July. She likes to think she's an adult, but really, she's just an old teenager. LOL. She keeps testing the waters. When I tell her that I can speak from experience and something she wants to do is a bad idea, she does it anyway. I think it's just to spite me, but she says that its just the way she learns. Really? You learn to be a dumbass by doing dumb things?? It's like telling my 3 year old something is hot, he trusts me enough to NOT touch it and burn himself, yet my 18 year old doesn't get it!?!? I have resigned myself to not telling her anything anymore. I know that may seem drastic, but really, I have tried time and time again to be completely logical in explaining something, and not dictating "this is the way it is" and she still won't listen to reason.
So here's my advice to all of you. Let your kids make mistakes. LOTS of mistakes. Don't rescue them, don't save them, don't dig them out before they get in too deep. Let them get so far in that hole that they can't see daylight. And then, when they finally ASK for help, jump in, with everything you  have.
 I'm having a hard time stepping back and just watching from the sidelines while my #1 child young adult keeps making silly mistakes, but I suppose it will be better in the long run. Plus, it's always nice to hear "you were right". The greatest part is someday, when this cycle plays through for her(if she has children, she says her 6 brothers and sisters have made her realize she's never having kids!) I can laugh and laugh at her trying to make her kid listen to her logic. Parenthood is so much fun. I can't wait to see how the next 6 kids turn out. :)

Everyday isn't rainbows and sunshine

I can't be a cheerful person everyday. Today was one of those days that I just wanted to scream at someone or something. Monday mornings are never easy around here. When you have to wake everyone up before 6:30 to eat and get ready for school, somebody is going to have a meltdown. Today felt like it was everyone's day. Even *I* was having trouble getting moving. I can't remember anything eventful about the morning, but I remember it seemed like everyone had something to complain about. It was AWESOME(that is called sarcasm, you'll have to look for it, because I use it a lot)!!!
Moving on with the day, my #1 child(who says she's an adult, but I'm sorry, don't adults go to the doctor by themselves and pay their own bills???) had to go to the hospital today to have a gallbladder ultrasound. We were sure she had gallstones or something was wrong with that useless organ. So, I drive her there, and she tells me she can check in by herself. Ok then, why did I come along?? Any way, I had to take the 3 youngest kids, and it just happened this appointment was during naptime, so I had #7(baby, almost 11 months old) strapped to me in the Moby, #6(3yo) riding in the umbrella stroller(an aside, why do they call it an umbrella stroller? It neither looks like an umbrella, nor does it HAVE an umbrella on it), and #5(4yo) "helping" puch the stroller. Everyone was tired, and # 5child & #6child insisted they had to go pee, so we left #1child to check her adult self in while we found the nearest bathroom. Thankfully it was close, and quick, and they did their business at a quick pace. As we arrived back to #1(still checking herself in) she waves me over and asks if I know anything about the payment. Payment? No. Usually insurance covers these things. Apparently our NEW insurance(new meaning my husband's work just switched to a different company effective Sept 1, 2012) thinks we have a deductible and the lady was requesting I pay her $461 today. Uh, how about no?!?! So, I politely tell the woman I don't have $461 on me, I don't have a credit card(because I don't, I'm so bad with those things!!!), and if I paid her from my checking account, my kids wouldn't eat for two months(ok, I didn't say that, I just told her I did not have that kind of money just sitting there).  They said they would just bill us. So I walk #1 to her ultrasound and she doesn't let me go back with her. Great! Why the hell did I come again? Well, this lovely new insurance wouldn't cover #2child's diabetes supplies, so his specialist was in the same building at the hospital, the three little ones and I run over to her office while #2 does her business. That was a bad idea. They whined about how far it was. They threw themselves on the floor of the elevator, and of course, #6 that was in the stroller with the diaper bag strapped to the back of it, made the stroller tip all the way to the floor because the weight of the diaper back was contigent upon him sitting in the stupid umbrella stroller to balance it all out. Then of course everything falls out of the diaper bag IN THE DAMN ELEVATOR. Ugh. I'm trying to bend over to pick the stuff up while having a small person strapped to my body, get the other kid to sit in the stroller to hold the diaper bag up off the floor, and make sure we get off on the right floor. I thought at that minute I was going to completely lose my mind. I sure hope no one finds my tampons that dumped out of the diaper bag. LOL. They were not used, but still, how embarrassing to find something like that on the elevator!!!! Anyway, I finally get out of the elevator and wouldn't you know it, those two HAD to go to the bathroom again. Why? Because there was a different bathroom to try out. Is there some law that says kids have to use every bathroom in every place they go to? I missed that memo. So, we find the next bathroom, and one pees, the other just plays with the toilet paper. We get into the specialist office, I take care of what I need to there, and head BACK down the elevator with a screaming #7 because she is done and wants out to walk. Too bad so sad sister. We start heading back to where #1 was supposed to be, and accidently find her waiting near the elevators for us. She got out early. Said she had been texting and calling me. My phone doesn't work in the hospital, but hers did? We have the same phone and the same cell company. Explain that one.
Anyway, that was the longest 30 minutes of my life, and completely wore me out. But I still had to go grocery shopping, help kids with homework, and make dinner. My day was far from done. I don't remember the rest of the day, except that it flew by in the blink of an eye. I had two big old Cake vodka and Diet Dr. Pepper's and now, it's time for this exhausted Mom to head to bed. #1s results came back. Nothing is wrong with her gallbladder, so now we get to go see a GI specialist. I can't wait. Maybe I can take 6 other kids with me to that appointment. Or maybe #1 can be a REAL adult and do it on her own. Yeah. Sure.

You are excited about that?!?

As a mom of seven(7 kids? Yes, from 10 months to 18 years!!), I find myself getting excited about goofy things: finding a recipe ALL the kids like, no temper tantrums between getting home from school and bedtime, and sleep. I think sleep is the most important one of all. I don't get by well on just a few hours. If I don't get close to my 8 hours, I am a BEAR to deal with. Everyone in my family knows this, and the older kids all know you do NOT disturb a sleeping Mommy. My younger ones? Not so much. But how can you be mad when the most adorable 3 year old little boy comes in and says "But Mooooooooom, I neeeeeed you"??? Sleep is a precious thing and I would trade anything for it, well, almost anything. I wouldn't give up one of the kids for it. I guess I'll just learn to endure the years of non-sleep I'm going to have because my sweet(sometimes) children are worth it. :)

Here is my BLOG, #1 child

At the request of my oldest child(only adult child? After all she is 18 now) I am starting a blog for my facebook statuses. She is annoyed with how long they can be. So here, I will start chronicalling all the fun and insane things that happen when you are a mother to 7 kids. Hope you have a toilet nearby because you will probably laugh until you pee, or if you haven't had a kid, then some tissues for the tears rolling down your face from laughter. Really, what can you do but laugh most of the time? The stuff that happens around here doesn't seem real, but you can't make it up. So get in, hang on, and get ready for anything. :)